Never get crunk then pussy sail.

I would firstly like to thank my two followers. Although you are both following me out of obligation and pity it is still very much appreciated. It's bringing back memories of when my dad used to send me 'anonymous' valentine's day cards, I’d know it was from him so it'd never really give me that euphoric loved feeling, but it would make me smile. It sounds extremely pathetic but he hasn't done that since 2011 so it's okay.
  Speaking of cards, letters and general vocabulary I would like to bring your attention to my first irritation of the day. The word 'fine'. Now this word has been a terminological thorn in my side for many a year now. It is the sort of nowhere word that shouldn't be used as a compliment, or ever particularly. If someone asks if they look alright and you say 'You look fine.' you've indirectly insulted them. They want to know they look above average, not subpar. Unless you put on a not very convincing stereotypically African-American accent and say 'You look fine, AS HELL GIRL.' I advise you to steer clear of that word altogether. The other thing that annoys me about this word is its mystery. If a friend says that they are 'fine' I automatically assume that they are in dire trouble. When did this happen? When did a word that allegedly means content become a social stress signal? The point is that everyone knows that's what it means. It's a vocabulary ninja. It means not what it's supposed to mean. If I’m feeling melancholy but not wanting to outright say that, I will say I’m fine. This statement will be followed by a long string of worried questions from my peers and I will be able to talk freely about my inferior and mediocre problems, 'since you asked...’
  Another thing on my mind today is the legendary Charlie Sheen. Because let's be honest, who's mind isn't he on? And whose bed isn't he in? The man has become an overnight sensation and all because he's slightly off in the head, snorts anything crushable, and shags anything with a vague pulse. The point I’d like to draw upon is; Charlie Sheen has been this way possibly since Ferris Bueller took that day off. So why is he only getting major media attention now? Most people would say it's because he was released into the wild by the 'Two and a half men.' crew. I'd say it's the British tabloids. As soon as the born and bred publishing vultures caught sight of him the man was all over the front page faster than he could say 'Winning.'. But in all honesty he doesn't exactly make it easy for himself. If I was under supervision by police and paparazzi, my kids had been removed from my custody, and I was slowly becoming the next Chuck Norris I’d at least have the sense to lay low for a while and not to spew my cocaine-covered secrets to any reporter who almost glanced at me. I'm not really complaining however, the man gives me endless enjoyment.
  A thing that provided me with little enjoyment today however; talent shows. Ever since the beginning of our schooling carers we've been told to excel in every way possible. To achieve highly. And breed our talents. But what is talent? Well according to that popular culture thing I keep bringing up, talent is the ability to either;
Sing,
Dance,
Act,
Or create a half decent sketch.
Now, being a mortal of very little talent I personally think this is an unfair judgment. I'd say my greatest talent is the ability to read people and assess social situations. However, would my year head see that trait as talent-show worthy? No. Personally even I wouldn't enjoy a five minute display of me evaluating the general 'auror' of a person or room and I doubt any sane person would. But why are these things not recognised as talents? What gives someone the right to say that is any less of a talent than being able to 'do the worm'. Okay so maybe my talent isn't quite the example I was looking for but it's a fair point. Sometimes the most amazing things are the most underrated.
  Before I get too deep I have to point out that there are some super noodles in the microwave and they finished cooking 6 minutes ago and now they're cold and stale. I hope you're all happy. I'm going to eat them more than willingly anyway, fuck it.