So all my procrastination and distraction has caused me to completely destroy any and all hopes i had of a real future. My A level options now consist of subjects so mother fucking soft that no self respecting human would dare even choose them because even the dregs of society know that they couldn't be respected studies even in the heart of the red light district. I am slowly setting myself up for a career as a very bad porn star, you know, the kind that gets choked the shit out of before even appearing in the film, the kind who's drugged, the kind who unwillingly gets snuffed half way through the fucking feature. Basically i just spent the last half an hour on the phone to someone who got all their A-levels, who now has a half decent career at a college that fuck-ups like me hope to attend. The whole time he just rambled on in his 'i've never got laid' tone, telling me how it's all been a waste of my damn time, well i don't need him to tell me that does he not realize that i've already realized that? Well he can shove it down his fucking esophagus. Yeah i hide behind my words and i claim i don't give a fuck about this blog and i only do this when i'm bored. But the truth is the only other way i could get these words out my mind is if i splattered them all over some fucking cement. You may think i've gone off the rails a bit, or i've completely lost it. But i know where my self-control is, i just am choosing not to find it.
I'm not mad, i'm just not happy, i can not be expected to be the fucking easter bunny right now. I would just like to know why wanting something is never enough and why it hurts so much to let yourself down. I am a paradox, and not in the tyler the creator way, in the 'i have no logical solution' way. It's like i blinked and suddenly my foundations have dissolved underneath me and my whole life plan can suddenly fit into a council flat in south london. Who knows, maybe i'll fall in love with a doctor, and watch him shape his life the way i would have. And i'll build up a jealous hate until eventually i slash through his jugular with his own scalpel. People say you can never pin point the exact moment your life took a turn but i know mine was walking into that exam with the remnants of writing on my fore arm. Or maybe it was the moment i was cut out my mothers stomach and the good lord took a fucking shit on my forehead. If any of you cunts even think the word 'surgeon' around me i think you'll find yourself with a 3" shard of glass sticking out of your heart. Because that's how i feel right now, then only a surgeon can save you. I'm sure this whole rant will lead ya'll to believe i am mentally unstable. And so what if i am? It doesn't even matter now.
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Sunday 7 August 2011
Never drink anything that looks like chemicals, and tastes like cough syrup.
So sex deprived members of the Internet. I am writing to you from the somewhat cramped bed of a very nice young woman. As much as i would normally love to permit your minds to wander to the realms of underpants and pillow fights i thought i'd save the time and let you know she is in fact passed out, and a good friend. The reason i write to you from such a strange - and for many of you, unreachable - place is because i am stuck. I want to be asleep, i am drunk and tired enough to be asleep, but my body simply will not allow it. So instead i thought i could take the time to scrape together a slightly short and immensely overdue blog. The first thing i'd like to talk about is; limits.
Last night as i was crashing out i put on a film entitled: limitless. The film is a very erratic tale of a man who discovers a drug that allows you to access 100% of your brain as apposed to the rumored 20% the average human can access. The film is depicted from Eddie Morra's (played by Bradley Cooper) point of view. The further Eddie gets into the world of the elite he has now become, the darker things become. There are two main problems i have with this film is 1. Bradley Cooper is not naked enough 2. There isn't enough of a moral message. In the film anyone on the drug can achieve unfathomable things, but the second they run out of the drug their body begins to deteriorate rapidly. As soon as Eddie discovers a way to mass-produce the drug everything is fine, he carries on living completely dependent on something that could easily destroy him. I just think it completely glamourizes drugs in a way that hasn't really been seen on film. But i digress, my main point is that the film implies that with this drug life's possibilities are limitless. In reality, life is entirely built up of limits. For example your alcohol intake. There is a definite limit to how many units a single person can consume and yet weekend after weekend i find myself surrounded by people who do not know when to say when.
By perfect coincidence it seems that your alcohol limits can show what kind of moral limitations a person has. In the wise words of Jamie Foxx people tend to 'blame it on the a a a a a alcohol'. And this averts the subject to: morality, and blame. I have to admit that people do tend to do stupid and morally incorrect things while under the influence, but i do not think that the alcohol is the only cause of such problems. Personally i believe that alcohol amplifies every inhibition you have, and releases them. * If you are incapable of doing something, due to some unknown ethical obligation, then the consumption of drugs will not sway your mind, you will maybe feel as if you had no control but the disturbing underlying fact is, we always do. To be perfectly honest people are capable of doing horrible, horrible things. The evidence is hitting home right this minute with the London riots. But please, don't think that doing bad things makes someone a bad person, some of us just don't know how to stop.
I would like to apologize for the state of today's blog, up until the '*' i was absolutely wankered and it was 5 in the morning. I am just so amazed at the fluency of my drunken mind that i am leaving it as it is. I will update you on my mundane life somewhere towards the end of the week or maybe the beginning of next. Try not to miss me too much until then. Before signing off i'd just like to stress that my thoughts are with those effected by the london riots, two wrongs don't make a right and teenagers shouldn't be allowed to buy bats.
Last night as i was crashing out i put on a film entitled: limitless. The film is a very erratic tale of a man who discovers a drug that allows you to access 100% of your brain as apposed to the rumored 20% the average human can access. The film is depicted from Eddie Morra's (played by Bradley Cooper) point of view. The further Eddie gets into the world of the elite he has now become, the darker things become. There are two main problems i have with this film is 1. Bradley Cooper is not naked enough 2. There isn't enough of a moral message. In the film anyone on the drug can achieve unfathomable things, but the second they run out of the drug their body begins to deteriorate rapidly. As soon as Eddie discovers a way to mass-produce the drug everything is fine, he carries on living completely dependent on something that could easily destroy him. I just think it completely glamourizes drugs in a way that hasn't really been seen on film. But i digress, my main point is that the film implies that with this drug life's possibilities are limitless. In reality, life is entirely built up of limits. For example your alcohol intake. There is a definite limit to how many units a single person can consume and yet weekend after weekend i find myself surrounded by people who do not know when to say when.
By perfect coincidence it seems that your alcohol limits can show what kind of moral limitations a person has. In the wise words of Jamie Foxx people tend to 'blame it on the a a a a a alcohol'. And this averts the subject to: morality, and blame. I have to admit that people do tend to do stupid and morally incorrect things while under the influence, but i do not think that the alcohol is the only cause of such problems. Personally i believe that alcohol amplifies every inhibition you have, and releases them. * If you are incapable of doing something, due to some unknown ethical obligation, then the consumption of drugs will not sway your mind, you will maybe feel as if you had no control but the disturbing underlying fact is, we always do. To be perfectly honest people are capable of doing horrible, horrible things. The evidence is hitting home right this minute with the London riots. But please, don't think that doing bad things makes someone a bad person, some of us just don't know how to stop.
I would like to apologize for the state of today's blog, up until the '*' i was absolutely wankered and it was 5 in the morning. I am just so amazed at the fluency of my drunken mind that i am leaving it as it is. I will update you on my mundane life somewhere towards the end of the week or maybe the beginning of next. Try not to miss me too much until then. Before signing off i'd just like to stress that my thoughts are with those effected by the london riots, two wrongs don't make a right and teenagers shouldn't be allowed to buy bats.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)