It's difficult to concentrate when you have a chorus of white noise surrounding you but i'm going to have to try in a vain attempt to keep my sanity. After yet another unnecessarily exhausting day i am attempting to float away on the forth and gather myself some real sleep. As the natural course of my monotonous life dictates, it is 1.39am on a wednesday night so as per usual i will be thinking about either sex or death. I am currently watching 'Full Metal Jacket' which makes it virtually impossible for me to think about sex right now (at least in any way i'd actually want to) so instead i am whimsically pondering death.
The other day i was looking through one of my old year-eight note books. You know the kind; My Chemical Romance lyrics shrouding the thing, the odd poorly drawn mess and the name of whichever boy had slightly interested me on that particular day written next to a comically large '4EVER'. The reason i bring this to your attention loyal subjects is because i'd forgotten just how eerily obsessed i used to be with death. When we were younger we didn't really understand the concept of death, which is logical as we didn't really understand the concept of life either. It's hard to accept the hypothesis that 'life is precious' when you are young - mostly due to the fact that anyone who tells you that it is, doesn't appear to be having an exceptionally good time anymore and are probably closer to death then you could ever dream of being. That is the thing isn't it my children, we are so absorbed in living that we can not fathom death. Have you ever just sat down with a cuppa and thought about death? I can see a few hands up; i strongly advise you to seek help. If you haven't; i strongly advise you not to. As a general activity contemplating your eventual and possibly untimely demise isn't much of a mood elevator.
I personally have many theories on what happens in the after life, most of them are very badly formed and based on the jumped-up ramblings of an assortment of junkies and rock stars. But they all basically go like this:
1. You die.
2. Shit happens.
If you'd like a more detailed account then i suppose you can say i'm following a kind of fucked up hybrid version of the norse and the hindu religion. I believe that there are separate levels (or realms) in the spiritual world beyond our physical world. In Norse religion they believe there are three levels; one for warriors, one for average do-gooders, and one for sinners. My views concorde with these but i believe we each establish our own level based on the lives we lead. This is where the Hindu religion comes into in that i believe we collect a certain type of energy through-out our lives (the matter auras are made of). When we die we release this energy and it will take us to where we will be most content through reincarnation. I also have a second and much more looming theory that absolutely fuck all happens when you die and you're just dead. But we don't talk about that.
There's also the lovely little question of just exactly how you will exit through the emblematic and not entirely relevant giftshop. I believe that ectoplasmic projections sometimes seep into our dreams to warn us of things to come and the result of this is reacquiring dreams. I have a very frequent dream in which my dad is driving me off a cliff - this is not a good sign. In all honesty i will be perfectly satisfied with death as long as i don't die in some horrifically embarrassing, painfully avoidable or comically stupid situation. If there is an afterlife i don't want to have that 'morning-after' sense of regret for the rest of eternity. I often find myself making discussions based on how much i will be kicking myself later. Generally as a rule i will do something entirely to avoid regretting not on my death bed. Regret is such a touchy subject which i will be fondling profusely next time.
But for right now fellow sinners i must craw over to Megan and go to bed as it is 2am and all i can think about is how i don't want to die wishing i'd had anal sex. Full Metal Jacket just finished and now i am free to let my obscene mind wonder. Well done me.
'We are put on this Earth to fuck around, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.' - Kurt Vonnegut.
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