Well internet. I am currently residing/ hiding in my bath with my laptop because there is a man wandering around my house with a clipboard. I am assuming because he said he had an appointment that he actually is supposed to be here but really in this day and age who knows. Maybe he feeds his libido by pretending to belong to a moving company and surveying people's homes. Or maybe he simply was walking down my road and got a little bored. For whatever reason he's here, he is still here. So to avoid awkward conversation i have barricaded myself in the bath with my duvet and have mentally prepared myself to be here all night.
Firstly, i would like to start by apologizing for my last blog entry. I know some of you genuinely thought your lives were in danger and i would like to apologize for that, however justified the feeling was. I have somewhat calmed down since then, and although i have not yet reached that happy place where the palm trees are all bountiful with foliage ect, i can almost honestly say 'i am half way there'. So i am finding myself succumbing to my over-bearing parent's wishes and attending a nice catholic college. Worry not children, on my way home today i purchased a nice 4feet of rope and will be hanging myself very shortly with it. If that fails however i will be on a train bright and early tomorrow and heading off to my first day. I like to think i will be able to survive another two years with the good lord by my side but so far he's been a bit of an inattentive leader. In fact i would go as far as to say he's been down right atrocious. I mean, i am in this situation right? If growing up with two very god-fearing parents has taught me anything it is how to blame dear old Allah for all the problems in your life. And on that note i would like to very pretentiously say: Deus dereliquit mei.
The problems all lie in growing up. As a child the worst fears we have are the monsters in our closets but as we grow older we realize that it isn't the ghosts in our houses that we have to deal with, it's the ones in our pasts. I long for the days when a mutual love of playdoh was enough to build a friendship on. Nowadays one wrong hobby, one borderline racist comment and a relationship can be tarnished for life. Why don't i just carve all my flaws into my skin and leave the scars there for the entire world to see? That solution at least would eliminate small talk altogether. In fact no talk would be necessary, potential members of my life would know right away that i am not a force to be associated with.I am sure that if we were to introduce ourselves by the characteristics people perceive us to have no one would ever interact.
'Hi, i am competitive, pessimistic and narcissistic. And you are?'
However it is not as easy as defining ourselves how others see us, for example, i give little thought to how the general public see me so i am very shocked when i am outright challenged on a trait of my personality. People say that your best critic is yourself, but i believe that to be false. How can i accurately judge myself when i am completely biased to believing everything i do to be worthless? I do nevertheless know myself well enough to know most of my weaknesses, and strengths. I know that i am a very sociable being and one thing i can not stand is impolite behavior between strangers. So with that i will leave you all to miss me and go and make this questionably enticing man some tea.
I would just like to point out that the man was my dad's lawyer and no, 'he wasn't meant to fucking be here lucy.'
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